I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Every concussion has its silver lining
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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