The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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