we're blogging at a bar
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
