My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
