I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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