Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
