Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I look better un-naked...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
