arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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