I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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