is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
