Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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