Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
