i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
