Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
