Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
