i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
this is an emotional support booty call
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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