so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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