I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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