He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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