Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
