she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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