Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just cut my nipple shaving
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
