ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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