Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
