I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
