$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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