I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
