In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
