did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
