All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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