I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
