Apparently you make a good broom.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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