i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
