I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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