Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
