i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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