I could have mohawked her pubes.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
