she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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