i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
