hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
