Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
