last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
