Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
