I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
