i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
