Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
