And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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