Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
