I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
