My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
wow bdsm is so cute
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
