is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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