take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
