Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
