Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dignity is for republicans.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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