I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
