the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
