Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
