i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
